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Wedding Ceremony
Roger Harkness and Dawn Merritt
Officiated by the Reverend Mark W. Christian
First Unitarian Church of Oklahoma City
Saturday December 28, 2002


Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join these two people in holy matrimony.  In the quiet of this very special moment, we are grateful for all the rich experiences that have brought Roger and Dawn to this the high point of their lives. We are grateful for the values that have flowed into them from those who have loved them and nurtured them and pointed them along life's way. We are grateful for the values they have found by their own striving. We are grateful that within them is the dream of a great love and the resources to use that love in creating a life that will endure. And now, as they make their promises, each to the other, may they make them with the deepest insight into their meaning and with the fullest sincerity. May this be but one small moment of a relationship that will grow and mature with each passing year until the latter days become even more wonderful than the first.

Roger and Dawn have found sage advice that they wish to hear, and share, in this hour. Consider "The Art of Marriage." Its original author is unknown.

The Art of Marriage

The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
    the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
        it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other
    not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice
        but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation,
    demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo
    or the wife to have wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
   understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
    dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner,
it is being the right partner.

Roger and Dawn, since your lives have crossed in this life, you have formed important ties between each other. Today our talk is to formalize - and thereby strengthen - the ties that already exist between you.  In this hour, as you consecrate marriage bonds, I urge you to commit yourselves to making real the ideals which give meaning to both this ceremony and the institution of marriage.

Vows

[Minister]  We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Roger Harkness and Dawn Merritt. The promises made today and the ties that are bound here, will greatly strengthen your union; they will cross the years and lives of each soul's growth. Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?

[Roger & Dawn] Yes, We Seek to Enter.

[Minister] I bid you look into each other’s eyes and repeat after me.

[Dawn] You cannot possess me for I belong to myself.
You cannot command me, for I am a free person.
You cannot lead me, nor will I follow,
But we share our paths together.
I shall not seek to change you in any way.
I pledge to share my life openly with you,
To speak the truth to you in love.
I promise to love and tenderly care for you,
Share my time and give you space.
I do not expect you to be unhappy for my sake.
I will return to you the respect you give me.
For richer and for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
I take you for my husband.
As long as we both shall live.
This is my wedding vow to you.
This is the marriage of equals.

[Roger] You cannot possess me for I belong to myself
You cannot command me, for I am a free person.
You cannot lead me, nor will I follow,
But we share our paths together.
I shall not seek to change you in any way.
I pledge to share my life openly with you
To speak the truth to you in love.
I promise to love and tenderly care for you,
Share my time and give you space.
I do not expect you to be unhappy for my sake.
I will return to you the respect you give me.
For richer and for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
I take you for my wife.
For as long as we both shall live.
This is my wedding vow to you.
This is the marriage of equals.

Ring Ceremony

[Minister] Roger, I cannot bind you to Dawn, only you have this right. If it is your wish, say so at this time and place your ring in her hand.

[Roger] It is my wish.

[Minister] Dawn, if it is your wish for Roger to be bound to you, place the ring on his finger. (Dawn places ring on Roger's left ring finger)

[Minister] I have not the right to bind you to Roger only you have this right. If it is your wish, say so at this time and place your ring in his hand.

[Dawn] It is my wish.

[Minister] Roger, if it is your wish for Dawn to be bound to you, place the ring on her finger. (Roger places ring on Dawn's left ring finger)

Unity Candle Ceremony

[Minister] Roger and Dawn would like to symbolize their marriage by the lighting of the Unity Candle. These two candles burn separately and symbolize your separate lives. I ask that you each take one candle and that together you light the center candle. As the individual candles represent your individual lives before today so too the common flame of the center candle represents the reality that your two lives are now joined to one light. It represents the joining together of your two lives into one.

Please repeat after me.
We swear by peace and love to stand,
Heart to heart and hand to hand.
See, O Spirit, and hear us now,
Confirming this our Sacred Vow.

The Irish Wedding Bell

Dan holds the bell and Amelia rings the bell, and afterwards we keep it close at hand in our new household. Whenever we argue or have differences, retrieve the bell and ring it in order to remind you of your solemn wedding vows.

[Minister] Roger and Dawn, listen to the tool of this bell. May its ringing serve as a reminder of your sacred vows. Take it with you into your marriage and let its sound forever remind you of the promises you make today.

Pronouncement

Inasmuch As Roger and Dawn have expressed their desire to be husband and wife, showing their love and affection by joining hands, and since they have made promises of faith and devotion, each to the other, and have sealed these promises by giving and receiving of rings:  Therefore, in the presence of this company of witnesses and in the Spirit of the Holy,  I do now pronounce your marriage to friends and family, to the law and to the world Husband and Wife. I invite you now to kiss as Husband and Wife. Our service is ended - go forever in peace and love.